Northern Gateway launches new TV ad promising a “better pipeline.” We say change one letter and you’ve got a deal.

By: Heather Libby & Kai Nagata

Kai: Remember Enbridge’s “disappearing islands” video, the one where the company deleted 1000 square kilometres of inconvenient, tanker-sinking rocks and reefs? Or the watercolour “Pathway to Prosperity” animations, spoofed by then-Province cartoonist Dan Murphy? Those ads were so galling, people booed them in movie theatres. Well, the new ones are even worse.

Heather: After Greenpeace and Coastal First Nations leaked the scripts for Enbridge’s schmaltztastic new Northern Gateway campaign last week, we assumed it meant Enbridge would scuttle their latest marketing plans. We were half right. They yanked the most ridiculous ad, “Janet and the Orca,” after realizing what a liability it would be.

Kai: But here’s the thing about pipeline companies. They can’t, by their nature, take no for an answer. And their answer to every problem is “throw more money at it.” So when 65% of a province says no to the Northern Gateway Pipeline, really, Enbridge’s only move is to bombard us with more ads.

Heather: Last night the new campaign’s flagship ad started airing in primetime on BC television stations. As expected, it’s fantastic. There’s soft-voice narration, instagram-worthy vignettes of people doing real-life things, gorgeous shots of our stunning coast and a soaring soundtrack.

Kai: There’s just one problem. It’s an ad for a pipeline that will jeopardize everything you see on screen, paid for by a reckless company still desperately trying to clean up its massive bitumen spill in the Kalamazoo river in 2010.

Heather: We started thinking. What if Enbridge could put all that money and creativity into an ad campaign for something British Columbians actually want?

Kai: Looking at Enbridge’s original scripts, we quickly realized that changing a single letter could turn Northern Gateway into a delicious project people would love. That’s right, a butter pipeline.

Heather: So what’s it going to be folks? A bitumen pipeline, or a butter pipeline? We want to hear from you. Click to vote at: ButterPipeline.ca. Something tells me we can find more supporters for the idea of a delicious butter pipeline, than a diluted bitumen pipeline.

Kai: After all, we’re the country that proved that an onion ring could gather more Facebook fans than Prime Minister Stephen Harper. So please, point your friends toward ButterPipeline.ca and send Enbridge a clear message: if you want to build a pipeline across BC, it better be a butter pipeline.

The Narwhal’s reporters are telling environment stories you won’t read about anywhere else. Stay in the loop by signing up for our free weekly dose of independent journalism.